Glo Versus the Volcano

I am old, this is true. I am not feeling well – have a cold. This morning I took on Mother Nature.

I went up to the living room with one eye open and one eye shut - I was there just to get coffee. (This, after Orion can’t get in the back door and is laying part in and part out of the door. Michael’s first word of the day - BLOOD!!! Orion had injured a toenail – but is ok. Another story, another day.) It’s not yet 6:00 am.

Michael said the words that will live in infamy. “What’s all those bugs doing there.” I looked and one whole corner of my living room is covered with bugs that fly. There were thousands. I thought they were gnats, but on closer inspection they were fairly large and looked like termites.

I immediately came downstairs and looked up termites on line because I thought they were the termites that swarm. From my googleness I found that the thousands of bugs in my living room were flying ants.

Well, as I was coming up the stairs with my pic in hand, I saw that on my landing there were literally millions of ants outlining my front door, and my landing was full of the crawling type of ants as well. Crawling ants and flying ants Orion with a bloody paw – Gooooood Morrrrrrrning.

Barney to the rescue – or so it seemed. (Insert the opening theme song to 2001 a space odessy). In case you do not know, Barney is my new PURPLE Dyson vacuum cleaner. I was ready for the volcano of ants that was erupting in my house.

In the corner of the living room, I sucked the flying bastards up with no problem but they kept landing from somewhere. I was down to three or four. I then went to the landing to suck up “the others”.

Millions, I kid you not, millions of crawling tiny brown ants. They are the same color as the wood on my landing. At this point I might remind you that I am barefoot. I begin sucking the ants off the door jamb, and the ants on the floor began crawling on my feet. In addition to crunching as I walked, the damn crawlie things started biting my feet, and the flying ones started landing in my hair. I said some very ugly words and was thrashing about trying to get them off my feet because of the biting, and was trying to get them out of my hair because it was icky. Barney was singing his merry tune during this whole time. “I love you, you love me.” I was literally flailing about and had to turn Barney off because his tune was getting on my last nerve. I go back upstairs to find that about 100 of the flying ones had regrouped in the corner of my living room. If anyone had a video camera it would have been one for the books.

My feet itch, I have not had my coffee and I’m calling the Orkin man.